I don't have any outright resolutions, goals, or words for 2015 (yet), but if the last sentiment shows any lessons, it's that I'd like to try to "live" more. Live in the moment, live by doing, going, seeing, etc. It's been a hard three years, not to be misread as a bad three years, they have been the best of my life, but of course challenging in ways I didn't expect or even realize until this year. I've been lost in the trenches of babyhood and like a lot of moms - that I never thought I'd become - I lost myself. I consumed myself with motherhood, and putting my children first in every insistence, I put all priorities related to myself last. Being a stay home at home has so many wonderful perks, but it can also extremely isolating if you allow it.
Which I did.
I thrive on routine, and moreso the kids. Actually, I thrive on the fact I can know what to expect if we stick to the routine. So planning playdates, storytime, and target runs around naps, meals, feedings, and illnesses, can really limit time spent with others over the age of 2.
So, without sounding selfish, it's actually what I need to be. I need to accept others to help and pitch in when offered instead of declining, to get out solo or with friends - regularly (regularly meaning a couple of times a month, not a couple times a year), and to go out on real actual adult dates with my husband - not grabbing quick bites to eat with the kids in tow. I need a more balanced life, where taking care of myself is as important as taking care of my children.
That got a lot longer than intended, but I guess my stream of consciousness is leading me to the goal of a more balanced life and now that the kids a bit older without needing ten naps and a hundred feedings, getting out - with and without the kids - has gotten much easier already. This vacation alone I got a hair cut, went shopping and for sushi with my husband, and ran a few errands with two free hands and lighter bag sans sippies and snacks.
Turning 32 today seemed a bit lackluster, a like a meaningless birthday...32. As in, oh yeah, it's my birthday, hold on, I have to swap the laundry. I hope 32 surprises me - in a good way. I look forward to lots of adventures this year, hopefully making some new friends, and catching back up with the old. Worrying less, exercising more. I'm so grateful for the life I have, now it's time to really live in it.
Happy New Year, Friends!