She's finally starting the night back in her crib and she's taking a pacifier (sometimes). Being a human one can stop, which means, I hope she'll start sleeping in longer stretches. I know it'll be a slow transition, but I'm hoping for longer stretches of sleep because 2-3hours tops isn't cutting it.
Ashlynn started waking earlier and insisting on getting on before her clock turned yellow. Because I feel like if I go in and allow her to get up (and turn it yellow myself) it defeats the purpose of teaching her to wait. So I rolled wake up time back from 7am to 630am and she's been doing great. Some days she's completely passed out until then, others she'll stay in bed until it turns. I'm hoping to add 5 minutes to it every few days to get back to 7am.
Once she's up, I let her come get into our bed. The Husband has been waking up early in the mornings to study for a professional certification exam and I try to keep everyone upstairs so he gets a good two hours in before getting ready for work. I let Ashlynn play some games on the kindle and I usually get Kenley changed and nurse again before all heading downstairs for breakfast. Kenley gets plopped in the jumperoo and Ashlynn runs around as I whip up breakfast. After we play for a bit, then head upstairs to get dressed (and myself showered), and Kenley topped off, before heading out for our morning fun.
This usually is either heading to a local library for story time or music class, grocery or target shopping, or meeting a friend for a play date. We are usually back some time between 11-11:30am for snack. Kenley typically falls asleep while we are out or at least in the car. She's normally ready for her lunch after I get Ashlynn down for a nap around noon.
Sometimes she's up to play other times she'll fall asleep on me. This is my only chance for free time, even after Ashlynn's asleep for the night, I'm up with Kenley until she goes to bed. I usually try to eat lunch, do any chores or tasks that need to get done, and then sit my ass on the couch, read some blogs, or prep my own posts.
Before I know it, Ashlynn is up. I get her changed and bring her down for lunch. Lately, we've been heading to the playground, doctor appointments, or accomplishing other random errands in the afternoon. Usually gone from 3-4pm, I once again top Kenley off before we go and she naps again while we are out. Once we are home, I decide what's for dinner. We play in the playroom and I start prepping. I usually let Ashlynn watch a show while I'm getting things ready or just waiting. She also gets one when I'm showering and getting ready for the day. We eat dinner and I try to stretch it as long as I can until dad gets home, but we are usually done before. After I clean up and we turn on the 'mick' (music) and dance around until dad gets home. Tutus and Britney Spears included.
Dad is home, Ashlynn gets a bath and ready for bed. Kenley usually gets her baths in the morning when I can occupy Ashlynn with tub toys on the bathroom floor. Her baths are super quick, I can't wait for the day we can do them together.
After A's in bed, K usually has a second wind. She had her last feed sometime between dinner and the dance party and just wants to play. She'll nurse again between 8-9 and be out until midnight or so.
I'm trying really hard to get out more (obviously). While I may seem so positive and like a "supermom" as some of you have so kindly commented, I feel far far from it. Truth be told, this winter has been a perfect storm of stress. My anxiety returned like whoa and panic attacks with it. A combination of the worst winter in history (read: major cabin fever), sleepless nights, adjusting to a pill that I've already decided to switch, and possibly some form of seasonal or postpartum depression has made me a person I wasn't overly fond of. Cut off from friends, physically burnt between lack of sleep and frequent headaches, I give so much to my girls I have very little left for my husband and even less, none, for myself. Since having realized all this, I already feel ten times better. Anxiety is receding, I'm enjoying "mommy time" while at play dates (they might just be more for me than for Ashlynnn), and Spring hasn't quite sprung, but it's heading in the right direction and it's amazing how healing some fresh air and movement can be.
Thank you all for being so kind and allowing me to feel like my little space here it a safe space to share the things that make me human. I hope if any one relates to these feelings, aside from our mutual loathing of all things Winter, please know that you know you aren't alone. Being a mama is tough stuff, and finding the balance of being yourself isn't the easiest task placed upon us, when we have so many other things hanging on those scales. Please never be scared to speak up, talk to a friend, your partner, or even someone who inspires you.
I was inspired to share this by reading Alison's rollercoaster story. While I was already taking action in finding ways to climb out of my rut, it was so reassuring to know that these feelings weren't abnormal. And while Alison didn't share her story to make her "real", I am. Blogging is funny thing, where most of us only showcase our ups and downplay (or completely omit) our downs. Life is a rollercoaster, and it's just more fun when ride it with friends, the ups and downs. Thanks for joining our ride.