Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Two Under Two'sday - Week 18

I guess it's time to revisit the "schedule".  Now that Kenley is 4 months old, she really should be on a better schedule than she is, but I'm planning on working on that this month.

She's finally starting the night back in her crib and she's taking a pacifier (sometimes).  Being a human one can stop, which means, I hope she'll start sleeping in longer stretches.  I know it'll be a slow transition, but I'm hoping for longer stretches of sleep because 2-3hours tops isn't cutting it.

Ashlynn started waking earlier and insisting on getting on before her clock turned yellow.  Because I feel like if I go in and allow her to get up (and turn it yellow myself) it defeats the purpose of teaching her to wait.  So I rolled wake up time back from 7am to 630am and she's been doing great.  Some days she's completely passed out until then, others she'll stay in bed until it turns.   I'm hoping to add 5 minutes to it every few days to get back to 7am.

Once she's up, I let her come get into our bed.  The Husband has been waking up early in the mornings to study for a professional certification exam and I try to keep everyone upstairs so he gets a good two hours in before getting ready for work.  I let Ashlynn play some games on the kindle and I usually get Kenley changed and nurse again before all heading downstairs for breakfast.  Kenley gets plopped in the jumperoo and Ashlynn runs around as I whip up breakfast.  After we play for a bit, then head upstairs to get dressed (and myself showered), and Kenley topped off, before heading out for our morning fun.


This usually is either heading to a local library for story time or music class, grocery or target shopping, or meeting a friend for a play date.  We are usually back some time between 11-11:30am for snack.  Kenley typically falls asleep while we are out or at least in the car.  She's normally ready for her lunch after I get Ashlynn down for a nap around noon.

Sometimes she's up to play other times she'll fall asleep on me.  This is my only chance for free time, even after Ashlynn's asleep for the night, I'm up with Kenley until she goes to bed.  I usually try to eat lunch, do any chores or tasks that need to get done, and then sit my ass on the couch, read some blogs, or prep my own posts.



Before I know it, Ashlynn is up.  I get her changed and bring her down for lunch.  Lately, we've been heading to the playground, doctor appointments, or accomplishing other random errands in the afternoon.  Usually gone from 3-4pm, I once again top Kenley off before we go and she naps again while we are out.  Once we are home, I decide what's for dinner.  We play in the playroom and I start prepping.  I usually let Ashlynn watch a show while I'm getting things ready or just waiting.  She also gets one when I'm showering and getting ready for the day.  We eat dinner and I try to stretch it as long as I can until dad gets home, but we are usually done before.  After I clean up and we turn on the 'mick' (music) and dance around until dad gets home.  Tutus and Britney Spears included.



Dad is home, Ashlynn gets a bath and ready for bed.  Kenley usually gets her baths in the morning when I can occupy Ashlynn with tub toys on the bathroom floor.  Her baths are super quick, I can't wait for the day we can do them together.



After A's in bed, K usually has a second wind.  She had her last feed sometime between dinner and the dance party and just wants to play.  She'll nurse again between 8-9 and be out until midnight or so.



I'm trying really hard to get out more (obviously).  While I may seem so positive and like a "supermom" as some of you have so kindly commented, I feel far far from it.  Truth be told, this winter has been a perfect storm of stress.  My anxiety returned like whoa and panic attacks with it.  A combination of the worst winter in history (read: major cabin fever), sleepless nights, adjusting to a pill that I've already decided to switch, and possibly some form of seasonal or postpartum depression has made me a person I wasn't overly fond of.  Cut off from friends, physically burnt between lack of sleep and frequent headaches, I give so much to my girls I have very little left for my husband and even less, none, for myself.   Since having realized all this, I already feel ten times better.  Anxiety is receding, I'm enjoying "mommy time" while at play dates (they might just be more for me than for Ashlynnn), and Spring hasn't quite sprung, but it's heading in the right direction and it's amazing how healing some fresh air and movement can be.



Thank you all for being so kind and allowing me to feel like my little space here it a safe space to share the things that make me human.  I hope if any one relates to these feelings, aside from our mutual loathing of all things Winter, please know that you know you aren't alone.  Being a mama is tough stuff, and finding the balance of being yourself isn't the easiest task placed upon us, when we have so many other things hanging on those scales. Please never be scared to speak up, talk to a friend, your partner, or even someone who inspires you.


I was inspired to share this by reading Alison's rollercoaster story.  While I was already taking action in finding ways to climb out of my rut, it was so reassuring to know that these feelings weren't abnormal. And while Alison didn't share her story to make her "real", I am.  Blogging is funny thing, where most of us only showcase our ups and downplay (or completely omit) our downs.  Life is a rollercoaster, and it's just more fun when ride it with friends, the ups and downs.  Thanks for joining our ride.

47 comments:

  1. Love it! Where can i find your shoes, legging and shirt?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yay for some nicer weather for you guys! I can't imagine how tough that is. Thanks for sharing. You are spot on-being a Momma is tough stuff and we put ourselves last so often that's it's hard to remember to take that time for us. You're a great Momma and I love being able to relate and read along.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for sharing - being a mom is a TON of work, and it's great to hear the 'real' stuff, along with the good. Also, thanks for your post about your day - I was wondering how you did naps and everything else with 2 little ones, and it was great to read!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for sharing! It is comforting to know you are not alone! You have helped me and many others I'm sure. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I bet getting out of the house is HUGE in terms of making you feel like a real person again. I'm 100% sure I couldn't handle winters being stuck inside (x2 because a newborn in the cold doesn't exactly work). Now that it's park weather all of you can get out and have some fun!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You are so amazing! I know that getting out of the house is a huge help when making you feel normal again. However, I am starting to get a little worried about having two here real soon. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm glad you guys can get out of the house now. I know that helps so much with cabin fever, anxiety and just the general well being of everyone involved. I went through PPD (have I said that before?) after having Owen and it was hard. Like a deep dark hole and I had no idea why I was in there. The anxiety really got the best of me and the worst part was that I felt so sad / scared / stressed but had no clue why. Everything was fine. Reading other people's experience definitely helped and reminding myself that ups and downs are normal did too. With Spring coming it will get easier -- all of it :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am so happy now that all of our snow has melted here too! Getting out for our walks in good weather has helped me tremendously! We actually finally got to walk down to the park the other day and Sydney and piggy were going crazy! They missed warm weather just am much, if not more than me. It's amazing how getting out can help so much.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I was definitely getting into a funk this winter! I'm so glad spring is here. And I agree.. Those play dates are more for the mommies and I love it!

    ReplyDelete
  10. My nikes are pretty old, but they are Nike Free. The leggings are from Land's End Canvas from a few ago that I scored on a major clearance for $8 with free shipping, no lie. And the shirt is from In Bloom Boutique. There is a button in my sponsors section with a code for 15% Off! I'll post more about the shirt later this week!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks Emily, I'm so happy I am able to give what I can to the girls and I truly enjoy it, but I've let my tank run empty and am finally noticing now - 2 years later. It's okay for mommy's to take time to fill up the tank. It's something that I've struggled with because I get mommy guilt that I should be with the kids, but taking time for our health is just as important.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks Jamie Lynn. I need to work on getting Kenley on a more structured nap schedule since I kind of just play them by ear. I know she'll generally snooze around 10am (ish) 1pm(ish) and 3 or 4pm (ish). But the length is totally a crap shoot. Hopefully by six months I've got them both on good schedules, I am very strict about Ashlynn's but I think consistency is key with being a good napper and her moods.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks Kristen, it's nice to hear others relate

    ReplyDelete
  14. Yes, leaving the house in 10 degrees with a newborn and small toddler, getting bundled, packed in the car, to drive where ever just to have a newborn meltdown and have to leave was so not a good idea. But the alternative of being locked inside for days or weeks at a time clearly did it's damage. We have been so happy getting out and having fun.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Charlotte HanleyApril 8, 2014 at 1:56 PM

    I had terrible post partum depression with my first and am terrified of how it will be with two. This time I feel like I know the warning signs a bit better and hopefully would be able to get help before I get stuck in a dark cave. Plus, hormones aside, this winter in the northeast has been the absolute pits. Here's to sunshine, metaphorically and literally!! xo

    ReplyDelete
  16. great part pictures! The first one on the slide is just too precious! I would frame that one!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I love your honesty! I too find that I barely have enough to give to my husband after taking care of my toddler that there is definitely nothing left for me! You just remember to take care of your NEEDS and the rest will fall into place! Awesome job mama!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Glad you are already feeling better!! Soak up that vitamin D!! :) Thanks for being honest and sharing such a vulnerable thing, not something many talk about but something so many deal with and experience.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I love this post. This has been a rough winter all around. I think everyone has been a little "not themselves" lately due to cabin fever, cold weather, illness, etc. Add a new baby and sleep deprivation on top of that and you've got a recipe for disaster. I'm so impressed that you're hanging in there so well and doing so much! You are a rockstar in my book! I love the schedule post - I'm so interested in what our schedule will look like once Mim makes her appearance. I hope I can get half the stuff done that you can! I don't think I even get that much done with just one child! Seriously, you're amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  20. aw mama! Thanks for sharing and sharing the love! xo

    ReplyDelete
  21. I have a picture of her on the swings at 8months blown up in our hallway, maybe we should add that one ;)

    ReplyDelete
  22. I hope I didn't scare you into thinking that having 2 caused this, it definitely did it! I honestly feel like handling them isn't so bad, it's just remembering to handle myself too! Easy to lose yourself when you are paying attention to your own needs.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I don't think I did know that. I know you struggled with other issues later, which similarly is when my anxiety and panic attacks were their worst, post loss before Ashlynn was ever born. It's hard to pinpoint it as PPD since a lot of the symptoms I've dealt with for years, but I definitely think hormonal birth control, the worst winter, and little sleep didn't help it. As soon as I was able to pinpoint the headaches to taking the new pill, everything else was an A-Ha! moment. It's funny how once you realize it you become so much more in control of your feelings. I started reading up on it and realized, DUH how could I have not put it all together! I remember how comforting it was to join a loss community and meet people who knew what I was going through, hopefully anyone who is experiencing symptoms like this will know that other women are going through it as well (even if their life seems shiny) and that we all support each other :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. The park has been great, completely wears her out, gets us fresh air and sun, and kills a chunk of time in the afternoon. Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Worst. winter. ever. Awful that it had so many people down!

    ReplyDelete
  26. i'm so sorry you had to struggle with it. Sounds like you'll cope much better if it strikes again since you are aware of the signs, but hopefully you won't have to experience it again!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Of course! I always give credit where credit is due... not only did your post hit home, but it inspired me to break free from keeping it to myself. What good is a supportive blogging community if can't we support each other when we need it most1 :*

    ReplyDelete
  28. I have a excessive amount of patience with the kids, but my husband has about zero. It's so terrible, thankfully he's understanding and always accepts my apologies!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Thank you for commenting and your support :) It means more than you know to be able to connect with so many people. Thanks for being such a great reader and friend!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Sleep deprivation. No joke. I think I handle it better than a lot of people, but it definitely caught up to me. Thank you for still thinking I'm a rockstar, haha! You'll be surprised how easily you transition. Babies are really easy to just fall into the schedule you already have since they pretty much can sleep whereever/whenever. I know I really need to get a bit more structured with her, I'm a bit worried about when K is finally taking the two solid naps like I did from maybe 9-14months. Since they'll probably straddle A's mid-afternoon nap, I'm not sure when I'll be able to leave! Guess I'll figure it out then :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. I have recently gone on a medication to help my anxiety and headaches. I am unsure if it's halting my headaches but my anxiety levels are SO SO much better!!

    ReplyDelete
  32. "I give so much to my girls I have very little left for my husband and even less, none, for myself." This spoke to my soul. I have such empathy for what you're going through. This SAHM thing is not a cakewalk. You become stretched so thin and before you know it, you've reached burn out. So proud of you for taking it by the reins. Hopefully are chins continue to stay lifted! Thinking of you friend!

    ReplyDelete
  33. I recently read a book that was so encouraging! It's called Desperate: Hope for the Mom who Needs to Breathe by Sally Clarkson and Sally Mae. I know down time is hard to come by with littles, but each chapter takes only about 15 min to read. It really spoke to my soul and was refreshing!

    ReplyDelete
  34. That is so great! Io think we all need a little more sunshine and park time in our lives. It definitely help being a SAHM to have those.

    ReplyDelete
  35. dude...i hear you sister. being a mom is HARD...and i only have one! and although i am dying to get prego again believe me when I say that I have major fear about having 2 kids. i'm nervous i'll have ppd again (i never realized i had it till i was out of it) and nervous i'll become a house-ridden zombie. you're doing an awesome job and i'm so glad you share the good and the bad. i feel like i try to keep it real too much to my husband's embarrassment sometimes. you gotta get it out though, you know? being a mom is soooo humbling...i'm on my knees every day!

    ReplyDelete
  36. I'm glad you opened up and shared this part of your struggle, Erinn. Sounds like you are on the way up and have a great support system to help along the way. Hugs! Don't be too hard on yourself, girl!!

    ReplyDelete
  37. I hear you girl! Winter rocked me in the month of March and that's why I all but stopped blogging. I couldn't even get it together for a post. I swear the every day boring schedule and lack of outdoors and sunshine was driving me nuts!! I know this about myself during the first months of the year now because of blogging... I can actually got back in time and see the lack of posts and realize it's because life was just blah. Sending you lots of virtual hugs and hoping your feeling more with it now that the sun is coming back! Wish we lived close by... we would be play date buddies for sure!

    ReplyDelete
  38. That's great that it's helping you! I'm pretty sure the pill I was taking was causing the headaches since it was a listed side effect and they've stopped now that I switched, thank goodness!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Thank you, Amanda. And thank you for commenting that you can relate, it's nice to know others are in the same boat... even if we are looking to get off!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Thank you for the rec! I'll check it out and see if I can add it to my kindle :)

    ReplyDelete
  41. It's funny, how after learning more about it, I realized a lot these issues I've been dealing with for years and never thought anything of. I'm glad I'm able to put everything in perspective now. You do a great job of keeping it real. I know a lot people aren't interested in following others lives, but it's like reality TV to me that I actually relate to. I love the sense of community and I think part of that is sharing who you are from all sides.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Winter definitely SUCKS. I, too, wish we lived closer.. I'd love to have playdates with the girls and pick your brains on the close in age sister life and of course, come over for sunday breakfast!

    ReplyDelete
  43. haha. You didn't scare me. I knew what I was signing up for! You are too sweet!

    ReplyDelete
  44. I really wish we didn't live on opposite sides of the country because I feel like I'm reading about myself (two under two included!) and man do we relate on every.single.level. Can I tell you how relieved I am to hear that Kenley still isn't making it past 3 hours at night? I think our pediatricians mouth hit the floor when we told her Audriana is still getting up to eat every 3 hours to eat at night. Supposedly at this age some babies actually sleep 8 solid hours at night - WTH! Lately I have really been struggling with mama guilt that because Audriana is the second child she doesn't get nearly the amount of attention Bella did when she was a baby and I feel HORRIBLE about it - do you find yourself feeling the same way?

    ReplyDelete
  45. Thanks for being open, honest, and real. We're all in this thing together, and it's refreshing to not only read about the highs... but also some of the lows (and everything in between!). My daughter, Carrington, is only about a week apart age-wise from Kenley and we live in South Jersey so I know 100% that this winter has been the longest EVER. Long, subzero winters and newborns are a tough mix! You're a fabulous momma (and I'm certain just as fabulous of a wife, friend, sister, daughter). Here's to warmer weather and getting out with our girls! :)

    ReplyDelete
  46. Oh that is a relief!!

    ReplyDelete

I love hearing from my readers! Be sure to check back as I try to respond to all comments and questions here in the comment form :)